


Happy Birthday America

by gateship



Series: Avengers Assemble [18]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Fantastic Four (Movies 2005-2007), Thor (Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Mansion, Clint is secretly a spider monkey, F/M, Fourth of July, Logan fought during WWII, Logan is a big softie when it comes to the students, Water Balloon Fights, X-Men Origins: Wolverine - Freeform, filling in some of the blanks from captain america regarding the howling commandos and howard stark, references to Lockheed, references to the mutant cure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 15:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11382798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gateship/pseuds/gateship
Summary: Steve Rogers spends his first birthday in the 21st century surrounded by Avengers, the Fantastic Four, members of the X-Men, and students from Xavier's at Tony Stark's not-actually-a-townhouse in Manhattan.





	Happy Birthday America

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to do a walk and talk approach at certain points, but I'm not sure how effective I was with it.

Fourth of July plans were in full swing when Phil asked, “Should we turn this into a surprise party?”

“Why would we do that?” Pepper asked, looking up from the RSVPed list.

“Because it’s Steve’s birthday,” Phil said. He looked at the people gathered around the kitchen island. “It’s the fourth of July,” he said. “Captain America’s birthday?”

“I thought that was propaganda,” Carolyn said slowly. “Are you telling me that Steve’s birthday is actually the fourth of July? In six days. His first birthday in the 21st century. His first birthday without any of his friends or family. And you, my husband, want to throw him a surprise party?”

"So, a surprise party’s a bad idea, then?” Phil asked.

Carolyn looked at Pepper and Tony. “So, how do we play this? Bring it up or not?”

“I have no idea,” Pepper said. “But I don’t think a Fourth of July barbecue for the Avengers, Fantastic 4, and miscellaneous X-People and students should be a birthday party.”

“He should know we know,” Tony said. The others looked at him, surprised. “What? It’s his not-actually-propaganda birthday. He shouldn’t think nobody knows about it. I know what’s it’s like for people to forget your birthday.”

“I’ll tell him,” Pepper said. “Well, talk to him about it anyways. Did you actually tell him about the party? He’s on the RSVP list, but did you really?”

“I sent him an email,” Tony said. “Which I know he got because he responded about the townhouse actually being a mansion.”

“Did he say he was going to come?” Pepper asked. Tony shook his head no. “I’ll talk to him about both things then. Do you think the PR team is going to do something about his birthday?”

“About the birthday, no,” Phil said. “The party, yes. Darcy will be taking photos that show no children and nobody with a secret identity.”

“So mostly Thor’s abs then,” Carolyn said.

“Should we have a birthday cake if it’s not going to be a surprise party?” Phil asked.

“No,” responded three voices.

 

Pepper wondered what Steve thought of the lunch invitation, especially considering it was to a café and she showed up in jeans and a t shirt with her hair down. He was there waiting for her even though she was ten minutes early.

“Thanks for having lunch with me,” Pepper said. “I feel like I’ve hardly gotten to see any of you despite how often Tony and I have been in New York this past month.”

Steve shrugged. “I mostly only see Natasha, Clint, Carolyn, and Phil,” he said. “It’s only been a month though. And you’ve been flying back and forth between coasts.”

“True,” Pepper said. They were shown to a table outside on the patio. “Have you been on any missions yet?”

“I’ve been reviewing a lot of mission debriefs and reports,” Steve said. “Mostly regarding my areas of expertise. It’s disheartening that Hydra didn’t fall when I did.”

“Carolyn says they existed long, long before America even did,” Pepper said. “But that knowledge doesn’t really help matters.”

“No, it really doesn’t,” Steve said. Their server came to take their orders. “You two are really moving out here?”

“That’s the plan,” Pepper said. “It was our plan to be bicoastal at least before the Chitauri showed up. I’ll probably still be bicoastal to some degree. There’s some elements of Stark Industries that can’t be moved to New York. And then there’s some elements at other SI plants around the world. But it’s only been a few days since the whole ‘Tower for All’ announcement,” Pepper said. “Darcy’s calling it that, anyways. Carolyn’s already sent me twelve picture collages of her dream kitchen. And they each were different styles of kitchen.”

“I haven’t even started thinking about that. I still don’t know,” Steve said. He looked down at the table. “I’m from Brooklyn. I don’t know about Manhattan.”

Pepper laughed. “You don’t need to live there. You’ll just have a place if you want it. Apparently, Clint owns an apartment building in Bed-Stuy, so I don’t know why he kept harping about rent.”

“He owns an apartment building?” Steve asked.

“It was news to everyone. He’s owned it for quite a while. The reason he was unofficially living with Natasha and Carolyn was because he was fixing it up for habitation,” Pepper said. “I’ve gathered Natasha wasn’t particularly pleased with the revelation. But Tony said that you think the townhouse is a mansion?”

“It is a mansion,” Steve said emphatically. “It is not a townhouse. It has never been a townhouse. It’s not as big as some of the other mansions in the city, but it’s definitely a mansion.” He shook his head. “Howard was over zealous. Especially given what I read about his work with the SSR and SHIELD.”

“Tony and his father had a very … complicated relationship,” Pepper said. “A lot of that period Tony’s still dealing with. And you were sort of part of that problem given how long Howard kept looking for you.” She cleared her throat and looked up at the server as their food was placed in front of them.

“You know, I was at the Stark Expo where he debuted the flying car,” Steve said. “It hovered for maybe five seconds before it went clunking down to the ground.”

Pepper laughed. “There’s some things Howard dreamed up that we don’t quite have the technology for yet. From what I can tell, he and Tony didn’t get along at all, but they both share that same ambition and creative drive.”

“Honestly, some of the things that _haven’t_ been invented yet are what surprises me,” Steve said. “Rather than the things that have been invented.”

“Give it some time,” Pepper said. “Tony’s been talking to Thor. Apparently, _they_ have flying things and Tony is determined to figure out that brand of magic.”

“Brand?” Steve asked.

“Oh, there’s other types of magic and aliens,” Pepper said. “Kitty, from the school, did you meet her?”

“Yeah, phasing powers, right?” Steve asked.

“Mhm. She has a – well, he’s not a pet because he’s a fully sentient being – but a friend, maybe? Anyways, Lockheed’s an alien that looks like a cat sized dragon.”

“A dragon?” Steve asked. “I didn’t see him at all.”

“Carolyn only seen him the once and she’s there pretty often,” Pepper said. “Kitty’s going to be at the Fourth of July party. If you’re coming, you can talk to her about it. Are you coming? We talked Phil out of turning it into a surprise party.”

“Why would he want to throw a surprise Fourth of July party?” Steve asked, obviously confused.

Pepper looked at Steve cautiously. “Because it’s your birthday and he’s Phil?” she said slowly. “The fourth is your birthday”

“Yeah,” Steve said. “I don’t – I hadn’t planned for it. I was going to come. I – I don’t really know what to do with … it…”

“I can’t imagine it. But if you want a distraction, I can assure you that it’ll be a giant distraction,” Pepper said. “Especially considering there will be a handful of pre-teens and teenagers there. And a baby as it turns out. And Logan. Who’ll probably want to fight Thor. And maybe you.”

“I didn’t meet him when I visited the school,” Steve said. “They talked about him a lot. He seemed interesting.”

“I’ve never met him myself either,” Pepper said. “But I owe him a lot even if he doesn’t remember it.”

“How does any of that sentence make any sense?” Steve asked.

“He rescued Carolyn, Scott, and others. Somehow after that – or during it – he lost all his memories. Carolyn freaked out the first time she saw him at the school. So, he knows he did it, he just doesn’t remember it,” Pepper said. “It’ll be nice to finally meet him and thank him.”

“I can only imagine the day will end in chaos,” Steve said.

“Oh, no doubt,” Pepper laughed.

 

The fourth of July dawned and found Tony walking into his kitchen in the townhouse – and it wasn’t a mansion – to find his girlfriend and his girlfriend’s sister hard at work in the kitchen. Pepper seemed to be baking something and Carolyn was doing something with fruit.

“It’s 9 AM,” he said. “The party isn’t until 1 PM. Why are you doing things?”

“Because the cake needs to cool before I frost it,” Pepper said. “And she’s making the sangria she forgot to make last night, which needs to sit. Just because the party doesn’t start for another four hours doesn’t mean there’s not work to be done.”

“It’s pot luck,” Tony said. “They’re all bringing their own foods.”

“Coffee’s there. Make use of it, and then make use of yourself or go away,” Carolyn said. “We’re busy.”

In the months that he and Pepper had been living together he’d learned quick that when Pepper was baking he shouldn’t be in the kitchen. It had not been a good idea the few times he had.

People started showing up around noon, but that was just the Fantastic 4 and company plus Natasha and Clint. Reed immediately ushered Sue to the shaded space by the pool, muttering about heat stroke and pregnancy. When Natasha and Clint showed up Tony had the sudden realization that he’d invited everyone to a backyard BBQ pool party. At his father’s stupid townhouse that was a massive overcompensation for his working-class upbringing.

Jesus. Why had he thought this was a good idea again?

 

“I still can’t believe we’re going to a Tony Stark party,” Darcy said as she pulled into the driveway for the “townhouse” After looking over her ID and his computer screen, the security guard let them in.

“There are going to be kids here, so I don’t know what kind of Stark party you’re expecting,” Jane said dryly. She wasn’t entirely comfortable with the pool aspect of the day, but Thor was quite excited at the prospects of the day.

Since there was a twelve-passenger van in the driveway Darcy assumed the mutant teenagers were already there. Darcy wasn’t quite sure what to expect from that, but the X-Men looked cool on TV, so it was going to be interesting at least. And some of the “kids” were actually college students, so there’d be people closer to her age.

When Darcy had parked the car and Jane and Thor got out, Pepper walked out of the front of the house. Pepper wasn’t quite the most casual that Darcy had ever seen her (that was sweats and what had looked like one of Tony’s shirts a couple of days after the Battle for New York), but it was close given the shorts and bathing suit top.

“Hi!” the other woman said brightly. “You’re just in time for Tony and Rhodey’s regularly scheduled grilling techniques argument. We have copious amounts of sunblock if you need it given the redheads here. Come on in.” She led them into the house, which looked…outdated. Then, Howard Stark had built the place, so the age of the décor fit.

There were a couple of kids in the kitchen – and some food – but out back was where it was really at. There was an outdoor kitchen, a pool, toys in the pool, and some green yard space with a volleyball net. The Fantastic 4 were there, the rest of the Avengers (sans Bruce), a bunch of teenagers, and presumably the X-Men. Darcy didn’t see any sign of Captain America or Agent Coulson, but she was surprised to see Professor Ross. Jane headed that way immediately. Thor headed towards Tony and Rhodey, who were, in fact, arguing in front of the grill. That left Darcy standing awkwardly next to Pepper.

“Phil’s probably going to be the last one here,” Pepper said. “His replacement’s arriving today. Let me introduce you to people.”

“Okay,” Darcy said. Really, she’d only met the Fantastic 4 briefly and she definitely really only actually knew Jane and Thor. Sure, she’d been around the other Avengers, but not for very long.

Pepper led her towards the grouping of presumable X-Men and students. There were six adults and maybe 12 kids if she included the two she’d seen in the kitchen. “Darcy, this is Jean, her husband Scott, and Ororo. Carolyn and I went to school with them and they still teach there.”

Darcy recognized the three of them from TV footage of the X-Men simply because Scott had red tinted shades, Jean had red hair, and Ororo had white hair. And she vaguely recognized one of the others because he was nearly as buff as Thor. She didn’t recognize the woman with green hair or the man standing next to her.

“You went to school with us too,” the woman said, smiling. “I’m Lorna, this is my husband Alex. He’s Scott’s brother and Carolyn absconded with our baby. We’re just visiting, though.”

Darcy had wondered about the baby she’d seen Agent Potts with. “Hi.”

“He’s Logan. Or Wolverine,” Scott said. “He doesn’t have a last name. Or possibly a first name.”

“Why am I even here?” Logan asked, rolling his eyes.

“Because Marie asked you to and then Louisa and Emilia pouted at you until you said yes,” Ororo said. “The twins have got you figured out.”

“And you’ve been glaring at Bobby like you’re going to kill him whenever he gets too close to Marie,” Jean said. “You don’t need to do that, you know. He loves her. To a sometimes disgusting degree.”

“She doesn’t have the full use of her powers,” Logan said defensively. “I don’t trust him.”

“You didn’t even trust him when she did have powers,” Scott said.  

Darcy frowned. “Sorry, but she doesn’t have powers?” she asked.

“I will let her explain that,” Pepper said, leading Darcy away. “Though she might not. It can be a touchy subject.”

“Should I not have asked?” Darcy asked. Pepper led her over to the four older kids.

“This is Marie, Bobby, Piotr, and Kitty. Marie, Bobby, and Piotr are all at ESU. Kitty starts at Cal Tech in September.”

“Pepper!” Tony called from the grill. “Rhodey’s being stupid!”

“You’re being stupid,” Rhodey said.

Pepper sighed and rolled her eyes. “If you’ll excuse me I have to go deal with some man babies. This is Darcy. She’s Dr. Jane Foster’s assistant and recent hire to work with the Avengers’ social media presence.” She headed towards the grill.

“Hi,” Darcy said. The five of them stood awkwardly for a moment.

“So, Thor’s like legit an alien?” Bobby asked.

“I told you he is,” Kitty said. “Do you not trust Lockheed?”

“Lockheed’s an alien,” Marie explained. “He’s kind of like a dragon.”

“You have an alien dragon?” Darcy asked. “Like a dragon-dragon?”

“Well, he’s like the size of a cat,” Marie said. “But he looks like a dragon. He’s also telepathic.”

“So Thor’s an alien,” Bobby said. “Is it weird? He looks human. The Chitauri didn’t and neither does Lockheed.”

Darcy shrugged. “I mean, Jane hit him with her car the first time we met him and then I tazed him like a minute later. So he’s chill. Lady Sif is a badass though.”

“You tazed the god of thunder?” Piotr asked. “And she hit him with her car?”

“Oh yeah,” Darcy said. “He’d just been fighting and then his dad stripped him of his powers and the Bifrost dropped his ass into the middle of the dessert. He was super creepy, so I tazed him. Then I realized he’s an adorable pit bull that will beat the shit out of the bad guys.”

 

Jan climbed out of the pool and sat down on the sun lounger next to Sue in the shade. She glared at Johnny at the other end of the pool. “Your brother has made the pool steadily warmer since he got in.”

Sue looked over to where the teenagers were standing with Darcy. “You think we can ask Bobby to cool it down? Reed won’t let me near the pool. His impending fatherhood panic was cute at first. It really isn’t now.”

“Well, he’s excited,” Jan said. “For all Hank’s absent mindedness, he’s been pretty gung ho about our five year plan.”

“You have a five year plan?” Sue asked.

“He doesn’t seem to be fully aware of how difficult it can be to get pregnant, so we’ll see what happens to his calculations.”

“Johnny is terrified of his impending unclehood,” Sue said. “Which is when we all realized he and Frankie hadn’t had a conversation regarding kids yet.”

Jan winced. “Hank and I had that conversation idly while I was still his assistant. I can’t even remember why, but we knew where we stood once we were together. You should ask Lorna and Alex if Johnny can borrow their daughter.”

“You’d have to wrestle her away from Carolyn,” Sue said. “She stole her as soon as Alex and Lorna showed up.”

Clint did a cannonball into the pool off the low diving board, splashing the two women slightly. “Johnny! Why is this pool so warm?” he asked as he surfaced.

“Because I’m hot,” Johnny said smugly. “I can’t help it.”

Half a moment later and there was another splash. Everyone in the pool let out a yelp, shriek, or combination of the two when Bobby went under. “Too cold!” Clint shouted.

“Sooo, your boyfriend’s got ice powers then,” Darcy said from the cluster of teenage X-Men.

 

Steve hadn’t quite been sure what to expect for a Stark BBQ, but he was certainly surprised by one thing he saw through the kitchen’s picture windows. “You didn’t tell me Logan was immortal,” he said to Carolyn when she walked into the empty kitchen.

“Oh good, you’re here. You missed the grilling argu—what?” Carolyn asked. “You know Logan?”

“You know Logan?” Ororo asked as she walked in after Carolyn. She headed towards the fridge and asked, “Do you know if Logan’s his first or last name?” as she pulled a bottle of water out.

“I only saw him a couple times before his unit got sent elsewhere,” Steve said. “He went by Howlett then, so that was his last name at the time. Considering he seems to be immortal, it might’ve been a false one. His brother went by something different though.”

“I can work with a Logan Howlett or some other Howlett,” Carolyn said. “He has a brother?”

“Called him his brother anyways,” Steve said. “Victor. Victor C something I think.”

Ororo made a choking noise. “Victor? Victor Creed?” she asked.

“Yeah, that sounds right,” Steve said. Ororo bolted outside. Through the windows Steve watched her run to Jean. He turned to Carolyn. “Do you know Victor Creed? Is he immortal too?”

“Ho boy,” Carolyn said. “Apparently he is. Logan is not gonna be happy about that. Creed is not a nice person.” She shook her head.  “There’s still plenty of food and we haven’t done desert yet. There is no birthday cake and my husband hasn’t arrived yet, but Pepper found some recipe from the 1940s for Independence Cake so she made that. There’s other stuff too. And I know you can’t get drunk given your metabolism, but considering how many children are here we should not have this much alcohol around. And my sangria is banging if I do say so myself.”

“Food sounds good,” Steve said.

“Be glad you missed the grilling argument,” Carolyn said. “And Creed’s a member of the Brotherhood. Sometimes.”

“The ‘Brotherhood of Evil Mutants’ Brotherhood?” Steve asked.

“That’s the one,” Carolyn sighed.

As they walked out onto the patio Logan made a beeline towards them. “You know me? Back in the 40s?” he asked brusquely.

“Your unit was stationed with the Commandoes for a couple weeks. I didn’t know you, but I’d seen you around a few times. Creed got into trouble a lot.”

“And Sabertooth’s my brother?” Logan continued. “Creed,” he clarified.

“You called him your brother. So did other people,” Steve said. “I can’t say anything beyond that.”

“I can work with the information, regardless,” Carolyn said. “We’re gonna find out how old you really are.” She winked. “Though I can now say that Steve is not the oldest person I know.”

 

Steve, in Pepper’s mind, had arrived at exactly the perfect time. Enough time to eat and relax before she and Tony brought out the big guns for the party.

Literally.

Prior to planning the party she’d no clue that there were so many different kinds of super soakers on the market. She had half a mind to give them to Scott to take back to the school when the party was over. Tony certainly didn’t need the 40 odd super soakers in varying sizes that had been ordered. He probably wanted to keep them all, and there were certainly merits to that idea, but that was only if they planned on having more summer parties. Which frankly also had merits.

She and Tony snuck into the house under the pretense of bringing the rest of the food into the kitchen. Once they’d stashed the food they grabbed the weaponry and crates of pre-filled water balloons. They’d stayed up late the night before, filling the guns and balloons for what felt like forever, especially considering Tony had never filled a water balloon before. It took him a good ten or so balloons to get the hang of it. Pepper had fun though, telling Tony about the ridiculous hijinks that had gone on when she was in school.

When they pushed the two carts of watery violence out onto the patio the conversation slowed to a halt. “So,” Tony started, clapping his hands together.

“Wait!” Lorna said. “Who’s taking custody of my child during this?”

Sue headed to Lorna and took Marissa. “I’ll take her. And watch from the kitchen while possibly taking video and photos.”

As she and Alicia headed into the house Darcy called out, “Try to take some of only recognizable Avengers so I can post this online later!”

“Anyways,” Tony said. “We are having a free for all water fight. These are you weapons. Choose wisely.”

“There are rules,” Pepper said before anyone could move. “No powers – and I’m looking at you Kitty, Bobby, and Jean. No hoarding weapons and there’s a thirty minute time limit just because the water balloons will run out eventually. If miraculously they aren’t all gone at the end then we’ll keep going. The objective is to have fun and not kill anyone. Any questions?”

Thor frowned. “Ah, what is this?” he asked.

“The ancient traditions of summer fun,” Darcy said. “Water fights. Get everyone as wet as possible. Though maybe hold back on the strength a bit when chucking water balloons at people.”

Thor didn’t look like he fully understood, but Pepper was sure he’d pick it up quickly. “Also, as a last rule, inside the house is off limits.”

“What about the exterior?” Clint asked. He shrugged when Natasha sighed. “What? Climbing isn’t a superpower.”

“Whatever,” Tony said. “No powers, no hoarding, no inside, thirty minutes. Everybody understand? Good. Readysetgo!” He grabbed a couple water guns and darted off, shooting Rhodey straight in the face as he did so.

“Oh, it is on!” Rhodey said as everyone rushed the carts.

Sue watched from the safety of the kitchen as what could only be described as utter chaos broke out. It was clearly everyone for themselves as Marie and Bobby turned on each other and Johnny shoved Frankie into the pool before she could start moving towards the weapons.

“Clint’s scaling the wall,” Sue said. “He’s genuinely climbing up the side of the building.”

“Somehow that does not surprise me,” Alicia laughed.

Natasha somehow managed to disappear in the backyard despite how open it was. It was entirely possible that she had decided to climb the walls too. Thor had quickly picked things up and was enjoying himself. The twins from Xavier’s had attached themselves to Logan’s back and the three of them were making a good team. The girls were covering his back while he attacked from the front. Tony and Rhodey were focused on one another and ignored everyone else.

Sue looked down at the baby. “Your mom and dad are trying to murder one another,” she said. Marissa barely looked at her, too focused on all the activity outside. There certainly was a lot of noise, color, and movement out there.

“How’s Ben doing?” Alicia asked. “He pushed Johnny in the pool yet?”

“Twice. Johnny shoved Frankie in when it started. Pretty sure she got Bobby to make a slush water balloon that she shoved down Johnny’s trunks.”

“What exactly is going on out there?” Phil asked from the entrance to the kitchen. “Oh, you guys have all the food. I thought it might all be gone given everyone here.”

“Stark and Pepper are letting a bunch of powered people try to kill each other,” Alicia said.

“Ben just tossed Johnny in the pool again,” Sue said. “I know Darcy’s the Avengers social media person, but we don’t have one and she’s getting that photo. You want to join in, Phil?”

“Nope,” Phil said. He was loading up a plate of food. “I’ll stay out of it.” He brought the plate over to the window to watch. “Where’s Clint?” he asked after a moment.

“He climbed up the side of the house,” Sue said. “And Bobby’s definitely cheating. Those water balloons have to be half ice.”

“Is Captain Rogers having a good time? Thor looks like he is,” Phil said.

Jane happened to be using Thor as a literal meat shield as she ducked around his sides to fire. “You’re going to have to call him Steve if you’re going to live together.” Sue said.

“Have you really been calling him Captain Rogers since he was discovered?” Alicia asked.

Phil turned slightly pink. “Did Jan tell you about her plan to send Hank over for playdates?” he asked instead of answering.

“Pepper, Jan, and I have already made tentative plans for October,” Sue said. “Though we’ll see how I feel then and how free Pepper will actually be. Reed is less than thrilled with the concept.”

“I can imagine. Phil didn’t seem thrilled when she brought it up,” Phil said. He peered through the window. “Jean’s cheating. Physics doesn’t work that way.”

“Just because they said no powers doesn’t mean anyone was going to listen,” Alicia said. “Did the meeting with Director Fury really take that long?”

“It turned into a meeting with Agent Hill, Agent Johnson, and Director Fury to outline my new responsibilities and the transition period,” Phil said. “I had thought I’d be here earlier.”

“Oh, you missed it,” Sue said. “Apparently Logan fought during World War II _and_ Sabertooth might be his brother.”

Phil stared at Sue for a moment. “We really need to talk to Porter about Steve’s firsthand knowledge,” he finally said. “But Sabertooth? Really? Does that mean Sabertooth doesn’t age either?” He sighed. “That’s Carolyn’s department, not my department, and the X-Men can deal with it.”

Sue laughed. “I’m not even that familiar with Sabertooth and I don’t want to think of it. Logan seemed pleased that there was at least some hint as to his identity pre-memory loss.”

There was a sudden shriek from just outside the door and Kitty phased through it. Interestingly, as she did so the water soaking her either dropped to the floor or smacked against the door. When she solidified again she looked down at her merely damp bathing suit. “Huh. I’ve never tried that before.”

“Is Bobby throwing slush balls?” Sue asked.

“Uh-huh,” Kitty said. “Is there still any salsa?”

“In the fridge,” Phil said. “Though Pepper apparently baked an entire sheet cake and some sort of fridge cake. And Carolyn made some pretzel, cream cheese, and Jell-O thing.”

“I will risk it – oh there’s guacamole still,” Kitty said as she stared into the fridge. “Did you tell him that Logan’s probably got a brother?”

“They did,” Phil said.

“Sabertooth’s a pain. Though I’m not seeing the connection between adamantium claws and weird fingernail claws,” she added. She shrugged. “Who knows how mutations actually work in families. Mr. and Mr. Summers make sense, but the Guthries certainly don’t.”

“Well, Xavier also keeps saying that the X-Gene comes from the father, which doesn’t actually seem to be true,” Phil said.

“It’s not?” Kitty asked.

“There’s one person in SHIELD that we can categorically say did not get her mutation from her father,” Phil said. “And that is all that I will say on the matter for now.”

Kitty stared at Phil but didn’t press the issue.

 

The water fight ended when Clint – who had climbed into the house from the second story despite the windows all being locked – dumped an entire bucket of water directly on Johnny’s head. It didn’t really do much given how the water had been turning to steam pretty quickly after being hit with any water, but it had been pretty entertaining. They all took a few minutes to dry off a bit before Pepper and a few others headed back into the kitchen for the desserts.

Just as the snacks and side dishes had been potluck, so was dessert. Pepper’s fairly large sheet cake covered in raspberries and blueberries was the centerpiece, but the variety of other things were nothing to look down on either. The second cake Pepper had made was the cake from the 1940s, made in the refrigerator with Nilla wafers, whipped cream, and strawberries. Carolyn’s pretzel, cream cheese, and Jell-O creation looked…interesting. Someone had made Rice Krispy treats that were shaped and colored like watermelon slices.

Once everyone was settled with their plates of sugar, Clint asked, “So who’s the new boss?”

“Agent Johnson out of the London offices,” Phil said.

Carolyn frowned. “I wanted the Tellers,” she said.

“The Tellers aren’t leaving London. And one of them is a mechanic,” Natasha said.  

“Really? A mechanic?” Tony asked. “Is that, like, their job title? And you want them to be the new Director of Field Ops?”

“He calls himself a mechanic,” Natasha said. “He’s a mechanical engineer. His sister’s the field operative.”

“But I like them,” Carolyn said.

“Not going to happen,” Natasha said.

“Who’s Johnson?” Clint asked.

“I’m not entirely familiar with her myself, but she worked with Agent Callahan in Operations,” Phil said. “He also refuses to leave London.”

“Are you allowed to refuse to leave places when you work for SHIELD?” Pepper asked.

“Uh, the Tellers are a unique case because Fury kind of stole them from another agency before they were even with that other agency. Plus there’s the fact that the other agency sort of got folded into ours a decade ago anyways. Callahan’s…well, clearly got some sort of dirt on Fury,” Clint said.

“Or he’s worked for SHIELD almost as long as Fury and his youngest is at Oxford,” Carolyn said. “Not everything is a conspiracy.”

“Well, those of you who don’t actually work with SHIELD probably won’t have much interaction with her,” Phil said. “But we’ll be transitioning for the next month or so and after that Agent Johnson will be the Director of Field Operations and I’ll be working with the Avengers.”

“Does that mean you’ll have more free time or less?” Johnny asked.  “Because on the one hand: you’ll only have them. On the other: scientists.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tony asked.

“That scientists are more trouble than they’re worth,” Darcy said. Jane made an affronted noise and Darcy shrugged. “When you guys get into the zone though.” She shook her head. “I mean, I love you Jane, but you have come up with some really weird ideas.”

“Jean once wanted to see how much electricity I could tolerate,” Storm said. “I wouldn’t let her.”

“But you channel it through your body!” Jean protested. “You need to know how much you can safely tolerate!”

“It’s still not happening,” Storm told her.

“Hank tested Pym Particles on himself well before he really should have,” Jan said. “And he uses them inside his already shrunk lab, which doesn’t sound like a solid plan at all.”

“Tony built U while we were at MIT,” Rhodey said. “I can’t even begin to pick his worst or best story.”

“Reed forgot to sleep for three days when we were at ESU. His advisor hadn’t slept in 36 hours either so there was a minor explosion in one of the labs,” Sue said.

“Howard blew up three separate labs testing the Tesseract energy because he needed to corroborate that it actually would,” Steve said. “And since the 107th and I came back with a couple of Hydra tanks too, he tried to take only one apart so he’d have a spare, but he forgot which was which and tried to attach the Hydra weaponry to one of our tanks but that kind of … exploded too.”

“He what?” Tony asked.

“I didn’t see much of him after the Howling Commandoes formed, we mostly got reports of what tech he’d been working on, but he certainly irritated Colonel Phillips enough,” Steve said.

“Yeah, you’re going to have less free time,” Johnny said.  

**Author's Note:**

> I did legitimate research on 1940s Fourth of July celebrations, found a cake recipe, and then promptly lost all the information I wrote down. The one I do mention is a different one, but still looks delicious. The pretzel, cream cheese, and Jell-O thing is freaking delicious even if it does look questionable.


End file.
